A Moment of Truth

A recent moment of truth experience for me was in March, 2008. I attended a workshop by Dr. Lucia Capacchione titled “Soul Play: Embracing Our Divine Selves”. We were guided through a variety of expressive art methods in order to access and embrace our soul’s divine self. This workshop validated a truth that has been growing larger in my view for over a year now, but really all my life.

Following are the journal writings I did that day with the truth that was spoken to me. Most of the journaling is written with the non-dominant hand, which accesses the right brain, or intuitive, higher self.

We started the days activities by picking out several SoulCollage cards from a deck that Lucia had made. SoulCollage cards represent a single energy, similar to a Tarot deck. Then we did free-writing and let the cards messages speak through our non-dominant hand. I picked five different cards and this is what I wrote...

We come from a center, the beginning place, that spirals outward from this center. It is multifaceted, individuation from Source. This Source is all nurturing, all encompassing, and showers its gifts onto us all. These gifts flow to all places; some paths are short, some long, some straight, some narrow, some wide, some crooked. This Source is all-seeing, and we are always the image reflected in its eye. The structures we build are our vision of Sources vision, yet the structures are like sand, which, any structure built from it, is temporary. Source is always holding our hand, and in that holding, energy is received and given at the same time. There is great joy and happiness in this sharing of energy, and there is also an innocence and trust like that of a child. Source appears to us in our dreams, and when we acknowledge and accept these gifts we awaken to the beauty and simplicity of what we often perceive to be complicated. The message from Source is to breathe in love, breathe out love, for  that is what we all are, and in this pure form all things are possible.

We were then directed to find an object in the room that spoke to us and potentially represented the message we just received in the writing. I picked a sculpture of two open hands, then found a round ball candle to put in the hands. Then we asked a question of the object, which was written in the dominant hand, with the answer written from the non-dominant hand.

Q: Illuminated Hands of the Angels, the Spirits, Source, what message are you bringing me this day?
A: The message is one of remembering who you are by way of the love energy that created you. Strip away from yourself the limiting beliefs and “have-to’s” that keep you cloaked from the all encompassing energy of love. Allow us to give to you and illuminate the love we are, and thus the love you are. We are here to support you in the unveiling of your true center. Release identities that keep you stuck so that your true self shines through, allowing fluid movement to your journey. Trust in our presence, as we are always with you. We are part of you. You are part of us. Not ever is there separation. Only the mind causes separation. The heart, love, is always one.

Then we were directed to write with our dominant hand our associations to the objects message. I wrote:

I am very close to all of the messages and images that have appeared here. I am very grateful for the reminders expressed, and especially the love and compassion being extended to me. These gifts are helping/serving to make me stronger in a way that isn’t physical as much as it is me being myself, in that true center that is the foundation of this strength. I know that who I am, this being of love, has a solid yet fluid core that can always feed and nurture all my endeavors.

After this we picked another SoulCollage card randomly from the stack, not knowing what we were choosing. I picked a card that had a flame in a fireplace, and a heart picture in a woman’s chest of a man and woman talking - a candle between them. There were also images of a room with many windows - an open view to the outside, and some flowers. What spoke to me the loudest in this card were the fire elements. My natal astrology chart has no fire elements in it, nor does my husband’s. Then Lucia facilitated me in a Voice Dialogue session with the fire element (I played the role of fire while Lucia interviewed the “fire”). This “fire” said it needs to be asked to be in my life, yet acknowledged that I have been bringing it into my life much more deeply in the past year, and that I have been energized and moved to action on many levels from inviting and bringing “fire” into my life.

After the voice dialogue session we were directed to make a collage using the message of the card and voice dialogue. At the top and to the right are the two collages I created. The top collage, “Points to Ponder” was the first one, and the collage at right, “Soul Food” was the second, and in answer to the first collage.

Here I Am!

To begin this blog, I'd like to introduce myself by sharing a speech I wrote for a college class in the fall of 2002.
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Ursula K le Guin wrote, “It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end.”

I am a traveler through life. I am also an artist and imagine my life as a painting which has many paths in it. Of these paths some are decided by anothers actions, some are chosen by me, and some cannot be known until they appear suddenly. Each path colors my painting differently. Ms. le Guin’s quote means a lot to me now because I’ve experienced the disappointment of an unattained goal. I have learned that it is very important to enjoy the “painting” on the way to the goal for the direction could change in an instant.

This baby book represents my past. My parents chose my initial path and began my life’s painting during my conception, birth, and subsequent upbringing. Throughout my childhood I began choosing my own path and painting my own images of music, creativity, helping others, and loving nature. My heart’s desire at 16 was to be like Laura Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie; to live on the land and raise a family. At 19 I was married, farming and had a one year old daughter. Then, one August day, life as I knew it changed abruptly when my daughter drowned. My direction was altered overnight. I was completely unprepared for the effect her death had on me. I eventually left my marriage, beginning a new journey.

When I compare my current goals to those of the past I find that they have changed, yet elements of the past still remain in the painting. Even so, I have realized that what Emerson said is true. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.” This collage represents my life in the present. The intent now is to paint my life in a way that really matters, not only to me, but to all whose lives I touch. My focus is learning to teach others the value of creativity and expressive art for a healthy and fulfilling life; tools for designing the life they imagine.

This blank canvas represents my future. To me, the future is invisible. I may have goals and dreams which I journey towards, but I really have no idea what will eventually come to be. Just as I never imagined my daughter would die so young. When I think of my future I see a canvas full of potential and opportunity, open space for the colors of my life that will be painted on it as I imagine it. I also know that there are those unseen paths along the way, but my reaction to them has changed. Yes, the dramatically altered path can be challenging and sad. I know. But I look at all the young faces around me and am gladdened, for they are the canvas of the future waiting to be painted.

So, my life painting began with choices made by others, yet I was eventually able to choose most of the paths. The unexpected events that I had no power over altered my direction and colored my life in a way I didn’t choose. But, I decided instead to enjoy the process of painting and not just focus on the goal. Thus, I have a very colorful life, painted by all my experiences, both chosen and not. My future remains a blank canvas and only becomes painted with each passing moment. Upon my death my painting will be complete - at least in this world.

I leave you with this thought: Henry David Thoreau once said, “This world is but a canvas to our imaginations.”

I ask you, how will you paint yours?