Celebrations of Life & Love

Billie, friend Carol, Jack - Cave City 9/24/94

On the day of the Autumnal Equinox, my husband and I journeyed together up to the Central Sierra foothills — a 300 mile drive — to celebrate the life of our friend Jack Shields who recently transitioned (12/26/1943 - 8/29/2011), as well as to celebrate our love and 17th wedding anniversary — both on Saturday, September 24th, 2011, at the location of California Caverns at Cave City where my husband and I were married underground, with Jack and his wife Billie attending. For me this was the perfect coupling, this celebration of life and love.

The Libra energies of balance between polarities — light/dark, male/female, day/night, hot/cold, life/death — were strong throughout the entire weekend.

Jungle Room Stalactites

Late on Friday evening, after arriving at Cave City and setting up our camp, we needed a "cave fix" so headed down to the walk-thru tour side of the cavern. Once inside, we were drinking in the deep, dark, damp energy of Mother Earth as we made our way to the Jungle Room, the most beautiful and highly decorated room in the cavern that the walk-thru tours can see. The filling of our hearts and spirits and souls began, and I was "kissed" by the cave on several occasions during our walk underground. A cave "kiss" is when a water droplet from a stalactite falls on your head.

The evening sounds in this beautiful and remote valley were LOUD! The crickets, night birds, night mammals and other creatures were all singing and talking prolifically and constantly. My husband and I both wondered if we'd be able to sleep. But sleep we did, to be awoken by the morning songs of the myriad of birds in the valley. And then the breeze came through and the falling leaves of the surrounding cottonwoods showered down on us with every breath of the sky. Ah, autumn...

On this day of celebration a leisurely morning ensued, including a walk up the mountain to a marble outcropping called "The Pyramid", and also to what is known as Alley's Pit, an area that goes down to Tom's Lake. This lake is the most incredible feature of the cavern. Spelunking tours have to raft across it when they journey thru the cave. To be in the raft, floating quietly on this underground lake while surrounded by Mother Earth, and then with lights turned off — this is the most awesome experience ever! It is what I imagine it to be like when a child in-utero. Although I did not go on a spelunking tour to visit this area of the cave on this trip, my husband did later in the afternoon.

Autumn Quadrant - 2011 Medicine Wheel Collage
by Jennifer Star

What is synchronous for me is that in my Autumn quadrant medicine wheel collage, one of the main images is of a man floating in the water of a cavern with a beam of light coming through a hole in the cave ceiling right down onto the man. Not exactly like Tom's Lake, but close enough for me!! And the words next to this image say, "Interaction with the Earth changes your life." Yes indeed.

So, while my husband offered and was taken up by our former boss to be a tail guide for the afternoon spelunking tour, playing and filling up his soul underground, I stayed above ground and helped setup the Celebration of Life for our friend Jack, in support of his wife Billie.

As all those coming to honor and celebrate Jack's life started to arrive, the reunion for me began... I saw and hugged and visited with SO many people that I've not seen in many, many years. Some that went back to when I was 16 — thirty-one years ago! And in fact, that was when I met Jack and Billie for the first time.

The most special and synchronous connection was with my late mom's (Sally Dunn's) best friend from her Mountain Ranch days — a connection that I would have never even considered as happening here because this friend lives in Montana (moved there in 1984). But here she was with her husband, both just happening to be in the area because their son moved back here recently. When she saw me and heard my voice, she was moved to tears — I look and sound so much like my mom. And she said she misses my mom so, so much. It was a very moving reconnection for us both.

Jack Shields - Cave City 9/24/94

We eventually gathered in a large circle to honor Jack's life. The circle sharing was very sweet. Billie sang a cappella a song that she wrote for Jack a year and a half ago. Some of the more than 150 folks attending shared their stories about Jack, and then the eating of food began. The celebration was now really kicking in and folks were reconnecting and visiting, sharing stories, laughing, crying, playing, being. For me, many of these friends from the past had young children 20-30 years ago, and now these children were all grown up, many with children of their own. It really was quite fascinating and fun for me to witness all this.

My Jack story is that I met he and Billie Lou in 1980 when I was 16 and living in Mountain Ranch. They were new to the area. I instantly fell in love with them both. Their authentic, REAL, love and kindness and acceptance of who I was/am touched me so deeply that no matter how long we would eventually go without seeing the other it didn't matter. We always just picked up where we left off, like no time had passed.

Jack was a big boulder dropped into the sea of life, sending out huge ripples that touched many, many folks. His very being transformed the lives of all those he touched — whether they realize it or not. At this celebration of Jack's life I saw him — in the eyes and hearts of everyone there.

As dusk fell, more sharing of prayers, songs, and live music began, and the celebration continued on.

Jennifer and Craig - Winter Palace 9/24/94

My husband and I eventually wandered away from this celebration of life, going down into the Winter Palace — the underground room we were married in — to celebrate our love. It was so very lovely to be in this room, just he and I, to revisit and renew our love for each other. So, so, wonderful, nurturing, love-filled and deep...

Jack's celebration wound down by midnight, and the valley returned to all its usual evening sounds — this day of celebrating life and love complete. Sunday morning brought more bird song to awaken us, this time including a flock of wild turkeys (the day before on our walk I found a turkey feather!), and an overcast and cool sky, which stayed with us all day. After a leisurely morning in the valley, and an afternoon of visiting with our former boss and his wife, we headed back home, a gentle rain falling on us half-way there.

This Autumnal Equinox weekend is one to be remembered...
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For Craig & Jennifer
poem by Jack Shields, September 1994

You enter the cavern as two
The friction of two souls
Sparks, cinders, smokes
Sweat, the oil of love
Waters the roots of
This mountain and the
Tree of Marriage
Seeded here
Joined as one
In the womb of the earth
Slide out of the dark birth canal
Newborn to the world
Of Moon and Sun
One now
New to every common bread breaking
Crust and crumb communion
All the small sacrifices
The shared secrets that
Lead to THIS
The meat of myth
Cooking in sex
Sudden seizures
And heart-ringed ceremony of the soul

Envisioning the Future

Inspired by The Institute for Humane Education's 15th Anniversary celebration, "Envisioning the Future: Community Crystal Ball," art project held in early July, I coordinated a collaborative project with 8 women friends—the SacredVessel Sisters—as well as creating my own personal collage with a collective intention for envisioning the future. I share both my personal collage image and intention, and the "SacredVessel Future Octahedron" images and intentions with you here. Perhaps you will find resonance in your hearts with our visions and words.

Envisioning the Future Collage by Jennifer Star, June 2011

In my visions of the New Earth, I look in the mirror and see in the reflection a glimpse of what's next. I am, as a global citizen of Earth, the new version and within me there is a model of more immersion into the depths of the paradigm shift occurring.

With my friends and beloveds, together we are transforming life as we know it. We are picturing tomorrow through intentional magic. I, we, want to make it great! And in our partnering we inspire future generations to follow suit. For we share a common goal—it's called the common good.

What we are bringing forth is a house beautiful. And in this house dwells nature, and nature has something to tell us:

"I am, we are, supportive, and will assist you in building a global community where wide open spaces will bring us closer together. As you put a creative spin on your visions of the New Earth, remember and know that the powers of the heart, the universe, All That Is, are always with you as you take a leap of faith by traveling on the path of the great turning."

These visions of the New Earth are also speaking to the ancestors of past-present-future, and they hear our call—the drum of our heartbeat—and answer back with their guidance.

All in the spirit of love.
-----

SacredVessel Sisters
Envision the Future
~ July 2011 ~

SacredVessel Future Octahedron, Side 1

SacredVessel Future Octahedron, Side 2

 

About the SacredVessel Sisters

We are a group of women from across North America who first “met” during teleconference classes we all “attended” in 2008-2009.  Many of us wanted to stay in contact after the classes were over, so a Yahoo! discussion group was formed in April of 2009 called the SacredVessel. Most of us have never physically met, yet our bond is very strong, and gets stronger as the moments pass. We have very deep and compelling discussions via email as well as during our own version of teleconference classes and supportive calls. We feel our SacredVessel is modeling the future in how positive, nurturing, respectful, and supportive relationships are possible.

By the suggestion of Jennifer Star, also the creator of our SacredVessel, 8 women in our group participated in the Institute for Humane Education’s 15th Anniversary celebration project of “Envisioning the Future.” We were delighted to be part of the “Maine Event”, bringing to it a truly continental showing by way of these visions of the future, built upon the sacred geometry of the octahedron, from women across North America. It is our hope you are touched by the vision and feel of our project.

Following the Maine event, this octahedron has begun its travels across the US to “visit” and live with each of the SacredVessel sisters, further sharing our collaborative vision within our communities.

Thank you to Zoe Weil and her vision of the IHE, and to all those who are part of the IHE, the world community, and are putting their focus, intentions, and love towards creating a world of balance and respect. 
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Here are our words
to expand upon the visions

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In the Spirit of Love

Rooted deeply in
a new version emerging;
peace, balance, respect

Spirit and body;
together transforming life
as we know it now

These visions of earth
are connected and aligned;
immersion is key

I am, we all are,
a glimpse of what's next for us;
the Spirit of Love

~ Jennifer ~
Cambria, California
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Leaning Into the Future, Leaning Into the Dive

Jumping off into the blue water future,
fish filled, penguin filled.
What is doing when you live in an ocean?
Eating, survival, movement, sound.
Coherence of the future as resonance
creating shape and form
and rhythm and uniqueness
in each moment.
Wisdom in resonance.
 Wisdom in the eye and ear.
Sea turtle skin pattern.
Diving in.
Swimming.
Swimming in the infinite future now.
Blue. Water. Life.

~ Marty ~
Berkeley, California
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envisioning  the  future                            daring  to  dream
leaping from the realm of beliefs           into the realm of possibilities,
from  the  structure  of  circumstance  to  the  miracle  of  unbound  vision
expansion of sight taking hold,  allowing,  trusting,  dreaming in a new way
stepping into the unknown, fresh, alive, vulnerable . . . safe, protected, well
shift of focus . . . filling spirits (not pockets) with beauty, harmony, love
surfacing in a new world with new perception, bold expression
releasing,  letting  go  with  grace  and  simplicity . . .
diving down deep, emptying, transforming,
learning to walk on newborn feet,
moving forward guided by the
softly  whispering
song of the
heart

~ Stephanie ~
Mission Viejo, California
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I feel myself spiraling . . .

Spiraling into a future that I cannot see
but my heart 'feels' into
This Future I 'feel' contains all of the greens
of earth and golden light
It contains woods and trees, air and water,
fire of the dragon and the sun

The fire dragon is softened and contained
by the feminine energy of the delicate and exotic
White green and purple orchids embrace
and encompass him in love and compassion
A blending, a holy exchange of
shared fire, shared air, shared fluidity
S/he rises from the ashes as the Phoenix Dragon
and flies into the Future

~ Nancy ~
Seattle, Washington
-----

Living
in harmony
with the
natural world
and with the
Elemental beings

~ Sally ~
Westport, New York
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Envision all of earth as Spirit-in-Camouflage!
And feel your light-body connected
to infinite Source energy
—for now—
walking about in the costume of skin.
Everything appearing separate, but in truth
—ALL ONE—
shimmering and shining.
Everything appearing limited,
but in essence is unlimited.
Death is but a portal and no longer the thing
 we can dump our beliefs of separation and limitation upon.

Who would you be if you knew you and Earth
are unlimited shimmering beings connected to Prime Creator,
in connection with everything
for all of time and in all ways?

~ Therese ~
Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania
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Enlightened Birth

“Sacred”
“Flowing”
“Conscious”
“Awake”

I see a world where these apply to:
Sexuality
Conception
Death
Entering or Leaving
Listening
Cosmos or Field
Transformation
Miraculous as the Norm

~ Aleia ~
Flagstaff, Arizona
-----

The Divine Mother births a new world from the old
Recycled
A mother will make sure that all recieve their fair share
Inspired and Nourished
All beings are honored in their purpose

~ Tina ~
Rogue River, Oregon
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For My Family On the Other Side

A couple of years ago I was inspired to create a memorial altar for those relatives of mine who had transitioned - primarily grandparents and great-grandparents, but also my mother and firstborn daughter - and to gather little objects to go with their photographs that symbolize for me who they were and what I remembered most fondly about them if I had known them in this life. For those who I had not known - who had died before I was born or I was very young when they died - I asked living family members for information so that I could gather objects, and this was a truly touching experience in that I was able to see myself in them when these pieces were shared with me.

Today I found myself inspired to take photos of the altar (which happens to be made from a cigar box that belonged to my Grandpa Johnny), and to write down memories of them from the perspective of how they influenced my life and who I am now, by who they were then.

I have shed many tears during this process, and now wish to share it all with you. Descriptions below follow photos in the altar top to bottom, left to right.

Memorial Altar For Those On the Other Side

Great Grandfather on my mother’s mother’s side, Popsie. From you, a candy-maker at the turn of the 20th century, comes my love for all things sweet.

Great Grandmother on my mother’s father’s side, Nanny. From you and the silver dollars you gave all the grand and great-grandchildren as birthday gifts I learned how to be generous and the value of kindness and perseverance. And Great Grandfather on my mother’s father’s side, Pampy. I never knew you, but from you and the butcher shop you ran comes my ability to butcher the farm animals I’ve raised for my own food.

Great Grandfather on my father’s father’s side, Ole. I only knew you as a very young child, but from you came my love and ability for playing card games.

Great Grandmother on my mother’s mother’s side, Ollie. I never knew you, but my love and ability for sewing and creativity comes from the seamstress you were with your nimble, creative hands.

Grandfather, father to my mother, Johnny. From you and your hospitality business of restaurant and motel I learned to be of service to others in a similar fashion, and to appreciate the smell of a good cigar. And Grandmother, stepmother to my mother, Eadie (lower couple photo). From you and your excellent cooking skills in restaurant and home came my love and ability to cook all manner of delicious edibles. And from both of you I was given the honor of being born on your 25th wedding anniversary.

Grandfather, father to my father, Pop. From you, a farmer, came my love of raising farm animals and gardens. I remember fondly and miss eating your home cured green olives. And Grandmother, mother to my father, Mabel. From you and your having worked in a jewelry store for many years came my pierced ears and appreciation for the beauty of gemstones.

Grandmother, mother to my mother, Vonnie. I never knew you, for you left this world by your own hand at the age of 27 – leaving behind two young children and a husband – so difficult was your journey here in the absence of support for the depression that took over your life. Yet, through your story you gave me the strength to carry on when my own depression came forth, and the wisdom to ask for help and not go the journey alone.

Mother, Sally. I still miss you so. We were just getting to a place of balance in our relationship when it was your time to leave here. Yet, you left me with so many valuable traits that you are not really gone. From you I learned to ask questions, and to question the answers. From you I learned to love and take care of myself and to set boundaries, yet also to love deeply my beloveds of partners, family, friends, co-workers, all life. From you I also learned to feel deeply and to be okay with that even when it hurts.

Front of Memorial Altar Box

Firstborn daughter, Sashena May. You are an angel that graced our lives for such a short time. From you I learned at age 18 that if I can make it through three nights of hard labor and still hold a mirror to see your arrival, I can do anything. From you I learned how to love somebody deeper than I’d ever loved before. From you I learned that when someone you love deeply dies, like you did at 11 months old, life still goes on, new lives arrive, my life can and did become something wonderful and cherished, and that death is not the end.

To my family on the other side mentioned here - plus all ancestors - I give deep thanks and eternal love for all you’ve given me and for who I am because of who you were. I honor you and keep you near with this altar of memories.

In Loving Memory of Wende Lynn Santos

Wende Lynn Santos

April 28, 1953 - October 20, 2010

Tomorrow (6/19/11) a celebration of my friend Wende's life is being held in Lincoln City, Oregon. I found out about her passing after returning from our Lake Powell trip. I had a feeling while on the trip that I was going to come home to a message that someone I knew had transitioned. Sure enough, there was an email from Wende's daughter Sierra waiting for me.

I'm unable to attend Wende's celebration of life in person, but have expressed here the most meaningful and profound memories I have of our connection.
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My friend Wende…

When I was a young woman in my teens, Wende befriended me and took me under her wings. Eleven years my senior, and sister Taurean, I looked up to and admired Wende, and she ultimately proved to be a valuable role model with three specific incidents between us that deeply affected me and who I have become.

The first incident was when I was babysitting her young daughter Sierra at their small cabin in the woods. I stole something of Wende’s and after doing so I was wrought with guilt over my action because Wende had been such a good friend to me. Why would I do something so foolish? A couple of weeks later, I couldn’t take it any longer and I approached Wende, confessing my act. I thoroughly expected that she would be very angry and that my punishment would be the ending of our friendship. But my love for and need of approval from Wende was so great that I couldn’t leave what I had done hidden, no matter what the consequences might be.

What followed my confession surprised and deeply affected me. Wende didn’t get angry, she simply listened and didn’t say anything. After an awkward silence I asked her if she was going to punish me, and she said, “Nope. It is apparent that you’ve already punished yourself quite a lot and that you are truly sorry for what you did. That is enough. Anything more is unnecessary.”

Having experienced being punished for telling the truth when I was a child, Wende’s kindness, compassion, and ability to see that I had already learned from my foolish action has stayed with me ever since and aided me when I became a mother, as well as with my interactions with others under similar circumstances but with me being on the other side.

Jennifer, Wende and Billie Lou - Calaveras Folk Festival, Sept. 1990

The second incident was another foolhardy teenage act. I was again babysitting 3-year-old Sierra. A recent licensed driver at 16, I was taking her to Wende in Mtn. Ranch when I did a very careless thing – I turned the car engine off so as to coast down the hill. I had done this before, but this time I removed the key from the steering column and this caused the steering wheel to lock up as we went around a corner. I braked and braced for impact, the car hit a bank and flipped over, and now I was scurrying to get myself and Sierra out of the car, concerned about a fire or an explosion. The other careless thing I did was to not have Sierra buckled up, so when we crashed she was flung around a bit. Fortunately, Sierra was not hurt more than some bumps and bruises.

When all was said and done, what Wende did for me was to remain my friend even though I had endangered her child’s life. Yes, she was angry at my teenage foolishness, but she didn’t give up on me, allow it to stop her love for me, nor her continuing to be a part of my life. But I wasn’t asked to do any further babysitting of Sierra. As a mother now, I understand her decision then.

Jennifer and Wende - Brookings, OR 1991

The third incident was 10 years later when I was an adult in my twenties. I’d married young, at 17, gave birth to three children and was now divorced. Having jumped into marriage and raising a family so young, including the death of my firstborn, I was making up for lost time then, partying a lot and having many boyfriends. Wende was concerned about my behavior and asked if we could meet so that she could express her concerns in detail.

I’d never been one who handled confrontations well, and this certainly felt like it would be one, so I was at first leery of saying yes to the meeting. However, this was Wende, my friend who had been there for me during my foolish teenage years, for the death of my firstborn daughter, and for my divorce. I owed her, at the very least, my willingness and openness to hear her out. So I agreed and we met. After our meeting I wrote a poem about the experience:

Painful Words

“Jennifer, I need to talk to you.”

“Okay, I’ll come by soon.”

Now my mind is racing round

But my heart feels the pull of the moon…

The moon, the dark and silent one

The one to explore the depths

The give and pull of tides and waves

Where truth will reach out and get

You, or me, as it was that day

When witty Wende said

She needed to rid her chest of words

She had left as yet unsaid

The time was set, plans were made

To meet on the evening of Friday

Then I spent time preparing myself

To be open to what she would say

I arrived, we conversed

Conversation was pleasant

We traded some cookies we’d made

Then finally got down to the business

“This is not very easy,” she said,

“I feel I’d rather write to you.

But again, the points must be made

And for this I really must face you.”

“That’s fair,” I said, “I understand,

And for you I’ll sit and listen

So that you may say your piece

Without interruptions, so nothing is missin’.”

She began to speak

I felt and took it in

Attempting to sort out

The truths from the opinions

While sitting there listening

I felt as though

My body was positioned

As if to protect from a blow

I looked down at myself

Saw my physical was balanced

Realized it was my spirit

In a protective stance

Finally the words stopped

All had been said

Silence then followed

With deep thoughts in my head

I knew some things were valid

In knew some where disappointments

Of having seen a side of me

That had not been know of as yet

I thanked my friend for sharing

Her thoughts and concerns with me

The painful aspects of friendship

Are not easy to face openly

We both felt better about each other

We hugged and kissed and laughed

The bond between us was strengthened

By the love that makes friendships last

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Jennifer and Wende - Brookings OR beach 1991

Wende and I remained friends, but when she moved to Oregon not long after this poem was written we saw each other only once more in the physical when my second husband and I (just beginning to date at that time) went up to visit her in Brookings in the fall of 1991. We corresponded and spoke on the phone off and on for many years after that, but finally I lost touch with Wende around 2005 or so when a holiday card I’d sent was returned with no forwarding address.

However, even though Wende and I drifted apart physically, her influence on my life and who I have become is permanently embossed on my heart.

Wende, your big smile, infectious laugh, quirky sense of humor, unconditional love and yummy hugs are forever remembered.

Much love and gratitude I have for you my dear friend – Witty Wende!

The Magic of the Desert Canyons & Deep Water

The magic began soon after we crossed the Nevada/Arizona border into Arizona. The shift in energy I experienced was palpable, profound. No, it wasn’t just that we had finally left behind the energy of Las Vegas and the surrounding areas gambling frenzy, with the huge billboards along the highway that read like a book, trying to suck you into their world. It was much more than that. The land spoke to me. I heard it. I felt it. There was a calm, a peacefulness, a sigh of relief, a welcome.

Just before my husband and I entered the “gateway” to the expanse of canyons in northern Arizona and southern Utah, driving along a vast valley at the base of some rocky mountains, one of the rockiest mountains spoke deeply to my heart and the tears began to flow from my eyes. There were no words. Just feeling. I was being cracked open, my body, mind and spirit connecting quite strongly to the land.

And then came the first canyon, the “gateway” through the Virgin River Canyon, and the tears kept on flowing, and the crack in my being kept opening wider and wider. My husband stopped the car, both of us divinely overwhelmed with it all, and getting out we simply took in the magnificence, feeling the embrace of Mother Earth. We peeked over the edge of the roadway and gazed at the Virgin River, the blood of Mother Earth flowing below us, full and red.

Back in the car continuing on our journey through the canyon, with a wet face and a touched heart I turned to my husband and said, “We are in the right place at the right time. This is exactly where we are supposed to be.” With that comment we came around a bend that would leave this canyon behind…and there before us was a rainbow! I squealed in delight, feeling deeply the validation of my statement. Yes! We were in the right place at the right time, exactly where we were supposed to be.

In Page, Arizona now, prior to us heading out to Lake Powell for two days, we find a packet of Cedar on our motel bed with a card that says:

Ya’at’ééh (Welcome)

We are delighted you have chosen to stay with us. The Navajo Nation Hospitality Enterprise extends a warm welcome to you and invites you to share in our heritage. This cedar herb is most commonly used in prayers. The idea being the smoke rises with your prayers to the “Holy People” who watch and guide us from above. Navajo people relieve their stresses of today’s world and take a few moments to pray. They pray to regain a sense of balance between self and others.

Please take this cedar as a sign of goodwill from our “home” to yours. When lit, the smoke becomes a scent of serenity you can keep in your home or car. On behalf of the staff at the Quality Inn we wish you safe travels and anticipate your return.

Ahéhee’dóó, Nizhónigo Naninaa’doo
(Thank you & may you walk in beauty)

This was a perfect addition to the magic and welcoming we had already been experiencing by the land we were traveling through.

After our first wonderful day boating on Lake Powell—viewing magnificent buttes, cliffs and sculpted sandstone, exploring many beautiful side canyon waterways, floating in profound silence on the water, playing my Native American flute, and boat camping at a private cove in a small side canyon while sleeping under the bright nearly-full moon and stars—I wrote in my lunar journal the following piece about our journey so far:

Today I am thankful for: The mountains that move me and embrace me... Breathing in the gentle strength of my surroundings... Drinking in the deep nourishment the watery depths provide... Releasing out easefully all that has been completed... Giving away through love that which is no longer needed... Being in the moment, One with All That Is... Loving this experience and all the blessings gifted...

After our second day on the water I found myself reflecting on the experience, and I found that one element of boating through the smaller canyon waterways turned out to be a metaphor for life itself and especially the times we are in with so many doomsday, end of the world prophecies and predictions.

And the metaphor is that just when it appeared the way ahead was ending—an illusion of looking like a solid wall before us or a path too narrow, and we began thinking we must soon turn around and go back—more was revealed the closer we got to the apparent end. The next opening for the next bend would suddenly show itself, and the way ahead most often continued on, bringing with it new discoveries, new twists and turns, new sights to enjoy, all while embraced in the breast of Mother Earth. The other important piece to this was rate of speed. The slower we approached the illusion of an “end,” the easier it was to find the next bend and to navigate into it. If we went too fast we’d miss it or pass it by or crash into a wall. This entire experience and realization was just so very profound and deeply moving. Without any doubt, I know it will stay with me forever.

I wrote in my lunar journal the following to describe the experience of Lake Powell:

The desert red rock canyons offered me a deeper opportunity for a silence that spoke volumes. The absence of animals and birds allowed the land and sky and water their voice. In the quiet moments of All That Is I heard this message from the Cosmos:

“When the way before you appears to end, go just a little farther, a little closer, and the path ahead will be revealed to you. And venture forth even when the path before you may appear to be a space too small, too tight; for the whole world will open up to you in a bigger way once you dare to squeeze through.”

What I learned is that perspective changes everything and reveals what was previously hidden…

On our return home, we drove through the Virgin River Canyon again. This time when we stopped and got out we gave thanks to this gateway that initially welcomed us so profoundly into the arms of Mother Earth via her red rock canyon lands, affirming that we were in the right place at the right time, exactly where we were supposed to be.

Another interesting point to note about our journey is that during all the long periods of driving we did, not once did the radio get turned on. For me this isn’t such a big deal, but for my husband it is. The part of this that intrigues me the most is that the Full Moon on May 17th was at 26° Scorpio, the Spiritual Principle of Silence per Connie Kaplan in The Invisible Garment:

"Silence is really a paradox. Absolute Silence is impossible as long as one is in form. … To achieve Silence is to go into a direct, holy integration with sound. Silence is the sound of the spheres, the sound of God, the sound of Life Itself. … Silence is being with beingness. Silence is sitting still and listening to the beingness of yourself, your environment, your cosmos. It invites the mystic in you to come forth. Silent times and silent spaces are absolutely necessary for truly experiencing the connectedness and profundity of life."

It seems that we had truly tapped into this energy for the entire trip—before, during and after the Full Moon, driving, boating and driving. The profound silence of the canyons was something I will forever remember, and the ability my husband and I had to journey long periods in comfortable, relative silence is also profound and ultimately healing and revealing on a very deep level. For all of this I am truly grateful, forever touched in my heart and soul by our phenomenal journey experience with the magic of the desert canyons and deep water.

Honeybee Appreciation

I was digging through some old emails, revisiting for keeping or purging, when I came across this piece about honeybees that I wrote in May of 2007 after engaging in a ceremony at the New Moon following my having read about a suggested "honeybee appreciation ceremony" to honor all the honeybees that have been dying due to what's being called Colony Collapse Disorder. Since I recently had a dream about honeybees it feels relevant to bring this essay out for re-view and to share with you here.
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Yesterday [May 2, 2007, New Moon/Lunar Beltane] I returned to the "Cove" as we locals call it, the beach I walked on on Tuesday [May 1, 2007] that had all the dead honeybees all over the sand at the water line. As I suspected, most sign of bees from the day before were gone, but I did find perhaps a dozen or so remaining bee bodies in the sand.

I went to the end and remote part of the beach, setting up a space for ceremony and prayer in appreciation of the honeybees. I smudged with white sage and offered it to the four directions and to the circular spiral of life. Then I sat on a log, feet firmly in the sand, and began the meditation on appreciation. I went very quickly and easily into a space of appreciation as I was surrounded by so many elements that I have deep appreciation for - the sand in between my toes, the sound of the waves, the wind blowing through the eucalyptus trees nearby, breathing in the ocean laced air, the song of the seagulls, my life, this beautiful planet we live on, etc. Then I focused this appreciation on the honeybee and saw various images of them - pollinating/making love to the flowers; the heavy load of pollen on their tiny legs as they travel from flower to flower; the sweet nectar of life they produce; the perfect geometry of their comb, their home; even thought about the times I've been stung and how amazing it is that the honeybee is willing to give its life to protect the hive. This last thought brought unexpected deep tears of gratitude welling up in my eyes. Then I gave the powerful breath of appreciation to the honeybees.

Next I pondered further on the fact of honeybees giving their lives to protect the hive. I had a deep sense that this element, this fact, is key to what is happening with the massive death of honeybees. I cannot explain it any further than this. It is a knowing, a deep down knowing, and perhaps now that I've had this epiphany and brought it to consciousness more information will surface.

I also took the opportunity and did personal ritual to release/burn energies, ways of being, that no longer serve me, and to ask for, plant the seeds, of new energies and ways of being that will benefit me.

Then I pulled a tarot card on behalf of the honeybee from a new deck I recently acquired called The Tarot of Transformation. I pulled the One of Disks. The accompanying book says of this card:

1 of Disks: Birth into Form 

"The meaning of the 1 of Disks becomes clear if you remember that disks represent the material world and that 1 is the number of beginnings. The 1 of Disks is, therefore, about new beginnings in the concrete world of daily life, and the egg is a perfect symbol for it. The egg includes both the seed of the new form and the nourishment that supports its development.

"The Minor Arcana do not work with the number 0, but if there were a 0 of Disks, it would represent the empty space that makes room for new forms. If there is no room for something to manifest in our lives, it is much more difficult. So 0 is the prerequisite to 1, and in a sense this card is about both.

"Just as it is useful to have the clear awareness that allows us to watch a thought arise (1 of Swords), it is useful to make ready a space in our lives so we can meet new relationship, roles, environments, artifacts, or anything that manifests on the physical plane. We can then examine how this new form fits with the space and determine whether it adds or detracts. We give this too little attention in our culture, busy as we are cramming more and more into cluttered lives and cluttered landscapes. By refining our awareness, we can better discriminate which forms are supportive and nurturing, and which are not.

"When you draw or are drawn to this card, it indicates the beginning of a new pattern in your life, or the need to clear the space for one. This is a good time to deep-clean your house, let go of things you no longer need, and take stock of current relationships and activities. New beginnings are important, and your readiness sets the stage for them to thrive."

With this reading it dawned on me that perhaps the massive death of honeybees, the giving of their lives to protect the "hive", is creating an empty space for a new form to develop. Now to wait and see what this new form is...

And for giggles, here is information on Bee Medicine I looked up online:

Bee Medicine 

MEANING: Hard Work, Community, Communication

"Bee People are learning to be diligent, industrious and to work cooperatively within their own community. Bee may have come to you regarding the community of your family, co-workers or humanity.

"Bee serves a very important purpose for the environment as a whole by pollinating flowering plants; therefore they are called pollinators, which means they transfer pollen from the stamen of a flower to the tip of the flower. Their treat is the nectar within the plant. Their role is vital to the environment. There are some types of bees that may be solitary, although most bees live in various sorts of communities (families). The most advanced colonies are found among the honeybees and stingless bees.

"When Bee medicine grabs your attention it is reminding you to work within your community or family and to do your part. Bee is a hard-worker and each Bee is dependent on the next to support the entire hive community. Bee is mostly concerned with the needs of her intricate hive family. The bee community runs easily and effortlessly due to the perfected communication between all of its members by way of the 'waggle dance' or 'dance language.' Bee will communicate what she has found in the flowering plants to other bees in order to recruit worker bees of the hive to forage in the same area.

"Bee's message is about communication, working hard and doing your part to aid the community in which you are a part. There is reward for such hard work, which is enjoying the fruits of your labor . . . Nectar!"