The "Sign"

In an earlier post (Burning Questions) I mentioned my concern over attracting the financial resources I require to live, and as my role as a self-employed bookkeeper continues to change and evolve and clients decrease, that concern — HOW financial resources are going to come to me and in WHAT new and different ways — has been a constant mental companion. And not a companion that is necessarily fun to be around so often.

In a bit of a panic, I began thinking about what business establishment in the town I live in might actually be of interest to me to work in. And might even be hiring in the current economic climate. I've already worked in various settings in this town, and none of those I desire to return to. What came to mind was a bead store that I am a customer of. Yes! I love to make jewelry, love beads, and I could certainly enjoy working in this setting, if it was an option. The owner had hired an employee for the first time in just the past year. So, I approached the owner and mentioned that if she was ever in need of some help to let me know. Well, I didn't really expect her to jump on that offer so quickly, but she did, and a month later I found myself in her employ part-time.

I've been out of retail and haven't worked for others for about 8 years now. I realized that being an employee again might prove challenging, but I figured that working in a setting I liked, part-time, I could handle it, and I was even looking forward to schmoozing with the customers and getting my social fix. Perfect! Or, so it seemed...

Well . . . the current news is that I was quite suddenly "fired" from this position at the end of my work day this past week. It was all over a "sign", literally and symbolically!! All for the best, but still a bit rattling when it happened. I'm much more calm about it all now, but do find my thoughts going to "the scene" and replaying it every now and then. I don't know anyone who likes being fired. I sure hope the replays go away soon.

So, what I learned from this experience is that I can no longer, nor am I willing to, work for someone else to simply do their bidding. I must either remain self-employed or be involved in a true partnership and collaboration with another or others. My gifts and skills must be put to use in an environment that welcomes them. That was turning out to not be the case at the bead store.

I also realized that it was the "position" - working in a bead store - that I pursued, and of course the money, rather than for the reason of whether or not I actually liked the owner and how she operates her business and/or our personal resonance with each other. The owner happens to have a very challenging personality, but I thought that I would be able to be compassionate and accepting of this element and bring some calm and peaceful energy to the store. Hmm . . . perhaps some ego in here? Well, I CAN be compassionate and accepting, calm and peaceful, but perhaps not for these reasons while in her employ. Okay, I GET that one!

Thus . . . I was fired over my having taken down a newly placed sign in the window that, in my humble opinion, rudely stated, "We're Sorry, this is NOT A TOY STORE!" I interpreted this to say "No fun allowed here." So . . . why am I here?? Fun is something that I've been working very diligently on bringing into my life. I realized that I wasn't willing to sit behind the counter and be accountable for a sign of coldness directed to tourists and townspeople walking by, so I took it down. Well, that was the "sign" that I did not belong there, and the owner quickly did me the service of letting me go when I told her I had taken it down. Her words were, "That really pisses me off. We're done." I'd say that's pretty darn clear!!

Well . . . I am glad it only took four work days at the bead store for the experience I required from it to be complete. And, to be honest, I had my doubts of it lasting after my first work day. Hmm . . . why didn't I listen then? Well, perhaps I wouldn't have realized or gained the deeper meaning and knowledge available to me had I left after the first day. And yes, I was there first for the money, and second because I liked beads. Needing money makes one do funny things sometimes!!

Now for the next phase of my journey in attracting the financial resources I require. I was given another "sign" from a dream in the early dawn hours the morning after (following a very restless and sleepless night of replaying the "firing") - I dreamt that I was working in true loving partnership and collaboration with others and it felt lovely . . . and exactly what I want.