I had one of those experiences occur yesterday that was magical, and alerted me to an action I needed to take, and when I did I knew I was to share my finding here.
The magical moment was a book falling off a shelf onto the floor. The book happens to be one I put together of my late mother, Sally Dunn's writings titled "Mother Soil." When I found the book on the floor of my bedroom I knew there was something inside I was needing to read, a message she was sending. This morning, as the Moon neared New in the sign of Leo, and following my own personal engagement with my lunar journal, I opened the book at random and came to the essay below. Reading the essay I knew it was related to the energy of this lunation in Leo, and so I share it here. The final paragraph of the essay sums it up quite perfectly, I'd say.
Warmly and with love, ...J*
Grief Was Second, Blame Came First
Ramtha recently said that grief bound us together. I agree that when I came into the school I was filled with grief. My mother had committed suicide when I was three-and-a-half-years-old, trying at least once to take me and my seven-month-old sister with her. I resisted, promised my sister to live and to “live for her.” After that, I spent my life grieving and living for others without a thought of what I wanted for myself.
Thus, through the recent release of grief I came to realize that something else came before that energy-lowering emotion. And that was blame, and it has been embedded so deeply in my soul memory that I could only see the grief which covered it over.
It matters not which scenario you wish to believe in, which resonates for you throughout your being. Is it Zechariah Sitchin’s tales, in the 12th Planet, of Tiamat’s rages over the children planets’ determination to have superiority over their parents? Is it the inward turning of the Creator in “I AM!” recognition of itself thus bursting forth new, conscious life? Is it Adam forced out of Eden because of Eve’s decision or a feeling of having been left on this golden-barred planet by genetic manipulators from other solar systems?
The first subtle feeling at being separated from the Source of Life would be blame, quickly covered up by grief and then guilt would ride along on their coattails. And those emotions would lead to fear and denial which would shape our lives seemingly forevermore.
Blame. It causes wars. It brings forth condemnation against neighbor, criticism for all others seemingly unlike us. It brings forth self-hate, for deep within us lies the innate memory of our godliness, our ability to create exactly what we want and not get lost in what others want for us.
It took my coming into Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment through the seduction of Ramtha’s love for me, the “Gee whiz!” feeling of identifying with something which was almost too big to be my mirror, to accept first my grief and then my blame. With a husband leaving, a community turning its back, family and friends who could not understand my changes or see them as necessary, with runners sent to me by Ram which served to awaken me I slowly began to see blame as the one thing in my life I must accept and ultimately own as having experienced to the max!!
I had to participate in the “I’ve already done that” mentality of the Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment students. We, or perhaps only I, turned our backs on families, friends, communities, jobs, hobbies, interests, places, attitudes, the past, because “I have already done that.” But had we really “done” those things fully conscious or had we been half or all asleep?
The only answers lie within myself. I get magnificent help from Ram, whose consciousness I now realize flows through me and from every person I meet, every drama I participate in, every thought I think which shows change from past thinking habits. So now I realize that “Yes,” I had done that but I could have done it awake. I could have taken responsibility for having created my illnesses, my dis-ease, rather than blaming them on relationships with my husband, parents, siblings, children, people – on life.
Oh, my. You know, once we get grief out of the way, whether it be at the imagined separation from Ram or God (they didn’t go anywhere away from us, we simply did not go along with them so we are the ones responsible for the separation), then we can get at the blame which lies at our nucleus like a poisoned apple. It chokes our evolutionary process and keeps us slaves to greed, abuse and neglect of power, hate, self-pity and all the illusionary thoughts which come from a feeling of separation from the Source of Life.
Have you ever noticed how the newspapers cannot write the word “responsible?” Obviously, there are too many letters in that word. “Blame” is far easier to write for it can stand alone, whereas “responsible” needs a helper. I.E. “The United States can take responsibility for helping to create the war in the Persian Gulf.” Few newspapers will print that long a sentence or even see the need for it, rather they will probably print something like this: “Persian Gulf war blamed on Saddam Hussein’s mania for power.”
Come on, guys. Let’s get beyond the grief that Ram says links us together. He is a great button-pusher because it is coming to the time when our brother won’t be found beyond us, coming through his channel, JZ Knight, but within us. How are we going to handle being Ram? Can we do it or, when his presence returns to the abstract world of the unseen, will we blame him, JZ, the world situation, our families, friends, selves ad nauseam until we go to sleep again, with no hope of further awakening?
Blame. To “revile, blaspheme,” to feel “futile, unhappy.” We shout and scream “Goddamn you!” looking outwards at the illusion of separation when we don’t realize that we are screaming at ourselves for feeling separate.
Blame is futile. It makes me unhappy. I have reviled and blasphemed myself unmercifully. Well, now, “I have done that” and I am fully awakened to having done that. I accept responsibility for blaming. Now I can see how many others are still caught up in that repetitive drama. I can compassionately step over them and move on into a happy, creative life.
You know, at the center of the poisoned apple of blame lies a seed. That seed is love. Of self. It was the beginning of our life as the Creator and no matter how far away it seems we get from that beginning we can return to it in a moment. It only takes loving self. That is our ultimate responsibility.