Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Grace of Forgetting and Remembering Who I Am

I forgot…for a moment…who I am. Even though brief, that moment seemed like an eternity. It was disorienting, frustrating, and even a tad scary. That moment felt empty and, paradoxically, was also filled with hopelessness and despair, and a strong feeling of death. In that moment I felt hidden and unseen.

“We are living in a time where we are experiencing the death of a way of life that no longer serves life or the earth.

“And we do not know how long this transition will take. We really do not know how long the in-between time will be. We do not know how this transition will impact each of us on a personal level. And we really do not know what is coming. Death has always been mysterious to the rational way of understanding and probably always will be.

“But during any transition process the key is being present and being a loving force in times of great change.”
~Sandra Ingerman

Fortunately I have remembered, once again, who I am. Again, I say, because you see, I forget who I am every so often. I forget when I let the “out there” overcome me, blocking my “in here” view of the star-seed I am; the star-seed I love so deeply.

Yes, I am Jennifer Star, a StarFlower SeedWoman. Yet even with this name, I’m able to forget who I am during those occasional moments when the transformation of my/our existence is so very strong and overwhelming. Perhaps this is a human condition, a way to cope with the intensity. Gratefully, there are guideposts along the way of my earth journey that serve as reminders of who I am.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us."
~Anne Lamott

The first of several recent guideposts was a four-and-a-half-year-old girl called Svea. We met on a steam train. She is a veteran of train rides. Her young eyes lit up and her voice overflowed with excitement when I asked about and she spoke of her love for trains. Noticing her physical appearance, I commented that she looked tall for her age, asking the grandmother if one of Svea’s parents was tall. Yes, the father. But to this Svea said, “I am perfect just the way I am.”

“Yes, Svea,” I said, “you are perfect just the way you are. And never let anyone tell you different, ever, over your entire life.” Grandmother nodded in agreement.

This was truly a moment of grace, for which I am grateful.

"Grace…restores us to our divine birth right, the perfection that we are regardless of who or what we think we are based on our human experience. It is possible to be so limited and stuck in our worldview that we miss the blessings of grace surrounding us in every moment. We are not forced to accept these gifts; we always have a choice. Acceptance of Grace, Love, Divine Intervention, Support, and Wisdom happens naturally and easily when we are practicing daily gratitude."  
~Cayelin Castell

—First reminder, in a moment of grace from the mouth of a babe – I am perfect just the way I am.

The second guidepost was the coastal redwoods that have grown and reforested clear-cut areas of the Santa Cruz Mountains that occurred in the mid to late 1800’s. One can see the original stump in the center of a grouping of “new” growth trees. What a blessing that this is the nature of the coastal redwoods. Cut one down and many grow back from the roots. Not to say I am in favor of clear-cutting any forests – I’m not – but how fortunate to the land and its inhabitants that these giant trees refuse to be eliminated, and in fact, return multiplied when their lives are put in jeopardy.

"Grace is an energy; not a mere sentiment; not a mere thought of the Almighty; not even a word of the Almighty. It is as real an energy as the energy of electricity. It is a divine energy; it is the energy of the divine affection rolling in plenteousness toward the shores of human need."
~Benjamin Jowett (1817-1893)

—Second reminder, in a moment of grace from the coastal giants – tenacity and resiliency are my virtues.

The third and final guidepost is, at least for this go around of forgetting and remembering, the very words I wrote for my intention and motive at the New Moon for the 10th lunation in Virgo. Following on the heels of the previous two guideposts, I saw and understood them from a different perspective:

The new form
The new function
To unfold and emerge
From the emptiness
At just the perfect moment

Unconditional love of Divine Self

Reading this with fresh eyes and heart caused me to remember, again, who I am. Then grace arrived once more with the following excerpt a friend posted on her Facebook page in response to the “International Book Week” fun of posting as your status the 5th sentence from page 52 in the book nearest to you (bold emphasis mine).

But Pederucho and I were still passionately expounding to each other, almost simultaneously, more for the beauty of what we were both saying than the need to be understood, how the people, including the (Maya) T'zutujil, had grown up hearing the old accounts that spoke about how many occasions the fires of time had gone out before our time, the world ending just like now, and how all the seeds that fed all the people and animals, the same ones that feed us now, had been hidden in special places just in case Time and existence after a time of excruciating torpidity and hibernation found a way to ‘fire themselves’ up again.
~Martin Prechtel,
in The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic:
The Parallel Lives of People as Plants: Keeping the Seeds Alive

—Third reminder, in a moment of grace from self and friends – Even though it may feel as if I am hidden and unseen, I am a seed for the New Earth, waiting to unfold and emerge at just the perfect moment.

Invisible Life - Underground
In every seed is a being - that being expands and wants to be born into the visible world - so it gets nourished by earth energies and light energies until the birth channel opens and the body shows up on the surface of earth beginning a new life and a new cycle of evolution. By Regina E.H. Ariel

1 comment:

  1. This was helpful to me. Lately I forget who I am and let anger overcome me. I need to be present now.

    Thank you.